How To Approach Red Flags In A Person Online

Learn how to recognize and respond to red flags in a person when you’re making new digital connections.

Navigating online relationships can be tricky — it's easy to overlook red flags in a person when you're caught up in an exciting new connection. While technology makes it easier than ever to form digital friendships, it also introduces distinctive challenges, particularly when identifying and addressing a potential warning sign. These behaviors, often subtle, can signal impending problems in a friendship. The most convoluted aspect is spotting relationship red flags in a digital space where so much is left unsaid or unseen.

At Azar, we believe in creating an environment that fosters authentic, lighthearted and positive connections. Whether you’re looking to make new friends or enjoy casual conversations, bringing awareness to the signs that something might not be right means you can take action and address them. In this article, we'll show you how to identify red flags in online interactions and approach them constructively and respectfully.

What Is a Red Flag?

Red flags are a social warning signal that something could be amiss in your interactions. A person may exhibit behaviors or patterns that suggest they might cause harm — either emotionally or mentally — in the relationship. Red flags may stem from unresolved past traumas, insecurities or negative attitudes left unchecked. They can be subtle or glaringly obvious. Unaddressed, these issues can manifest in ways that can harm both you and the other individual.

 For example, someone who’s experienced hurt in prior relationships might show signs of jealousy or possessiveness early on. While it’s natural to carry some baggage from past experiences, it becomes a red flag when these feelings are projected onto you in a controlling or restrictive manner. In a more subtle light, a person struggling with low self-esteem might become overly dependent on your validation, leading to a dynamic where you unintentionally become their go-to source for self-worth.

Red flags don’t always mean the person is inherently bad or dangerous. They often signal that the individual has unresolved issues that need addressing. However, if these issues are ignored or dismissed, they can create toxic dynamics between you, sometimes taking away from the enjoyment of connecting online. That’s why it’s necessary to spot these red flags early and tackle them head-on, rather than hoping they’ll disappear on their own. So let's look at some common red flags to be aware of.

Common Red Flags in Online Communication

When making friends online, identifying a warning sign for what it is can be challenging considering most of the interaction is based on text or video chats, where it's easier to hide or downplay less appealing characteristics. However, there are several common red flags you should be aware of:

1. Inconsistent or Shady Profiles

Checking for early red flags can help dodge bigger issues down the road. If a new online friend's profile doesn’t quite add up, it could be a sign they’re hiding something. It’s not uncommon for people to present a curated version of themselves on the web, but when the discrepancies are too glaring, it’s worth paying attention. Some signs to watch out for are: 

• Completely anonymous profiles.

• A limited number of photos or a profile photo that doesn't match who the individual says they are.

• No bio or vague information. 

• The expression of extremist, violent or questionable ideologies.

It's worth noting that some people choose to keep profiles or personal information private to protect their online security or social wellbeing. As such, do be open-minded that taking reasonable privacy measures may not in and of themselves be a red flag.

2. Overly Intense Behavior Early On

Love bombing, or showering someone with excessive attention and affection early in the relationship, can be a huge red flag. This is a tactic often used to gain control or manipulate. Dropping love bombs can be intentional or the individual may be unaware they're doing it. While it can feel flattering at first, it’s important to question the intent behind such behavior. Why is this person moving so fast? Are they genuinely interested in you or are they trying to establish a power dynamic?

3. Controlling or Possessive Tendencies

A healthy relationship allows for independence and trust. If the person you’re chatting with starts to exhibit controlling behaviors — such as dictating who you can talk to, how you spend your time or getting upset when you don’t respond immediately — this is a major red flag. Control is often rooted in insecurity and it’s not something that should be taken lightly.

Establishing and sticking to healthy boundaries early on can be a good tactic to navigate controlling behavior. However, keep in mind that if you're dealing with a possessive person, they likely won't be happy about respecting the boundaries you set. This is also a common red flag to be conscious about.

4. Negative Talk About Others

Pay attention to how your digital friends speak about others, especially colleagues, family members or close friends. If you start a positive conversation, but the other person is constantly talking negatively, it could be a sign of unresolved issues or a hostile mindset that could eventually be directed at you. 

Anyone can be caught on an “off” day, and it's okay to allow some grace when meeting someone new. But if negativity spreads into all of your interactions, it may signal bigger problems down the line. 

5. Boundary Pushing

Boundaries show how we expect to be treated in any relationship, and they need to be upheld. If someone consistently pushes or disregards your boundaries — whether it’s about personal space, time or topics of conversation — it’s a clear red flag. Healthy relationships are built on mutual respect, and boundary-pushing is a sign that respect might be lacking.

There are three elements to achieving healthy boundaries: Choosing, communicating and enforcing them. Know what you're comfortable with before engaging online and decide what action you will take if your boundaries are compromised. Communicate freely and respectfully if someone crosses a line. If they continue doing it, take action to protect your peace. 

6. Excessive Clinginess

While it’s normal to want to spend time with someone you like, there’s a difference between healthy affection and excessive clinginess. If the person becomes dependent on your attention or starts to pressure you for more time than you’re comfortable with, it could indicate deeper insecurities or emotional instability. Left unaddressed, clinginess can evolve into soft-core emotional abuse because a person is demanding more of you than you're willing or able to give. 

7. Gaslighting

Gaslighting is a form of manipulation where someone makes you question your reality or memories. It’s a serious red flag that can lead to significant emotional harm if not addressed. A gaslighter will typically distort reality and sow the seeds of confusion, causing you to question your judgment or intuition. Signs of gaslighting include others denying things you know to be true, dismissing your feelings or making you feel like you’re overreacting when you raise concerns.

8. Avoiding Conflict Resolution

Conflict is a natural part of any relationship, but how it’s handled makes all the difference. If your chat partner consistently avoids addressing issues, dismisses your concerns or refuses to engage in constructive dialogue, it’s a sign that they’re not equipped to handle challenges in a healthy way. Those with sound emotional intelligence are typically good at productively confronting and resolving conflicts. 

9. Lack of Accountability 

Give attention to how your chat partner takes responsibility for their actions. Do they blame others for their problems? Are they making excuses when things go wrong? A lack of accountability is a red flag that suggests someone is unwilling to own up to their mistakes or work on self-improvement. Lack of accountability is connected to many other red flags, such as avoiding responsibility for their role in conflict, repeatedly crossing boundaries or hiding parts of their personality.

10. Over-involvement in Their Identity

While sharing interests and experiences is a fundamental part of establishing common ground with new digital connections, be cautious if the person starts to involve you in their sense of identity. They may be using you to define themselves or become overly reliant on your validation. This can lead to codependency, where the lines between your identity and theirs become blurred.

Identifying and Approaching Red Flags

Especially in fresh digital connections, it can be tempting to brush off warning signals in hope that they're just a one-time thing. But ignoring red flags can lead to bigger problems down the line — especially if it starts impacting your mental health. The key is approaching the situation with a clear mind and a calm demeanor. Here are some common questions about red flags and advice on how to handle them:

What Causes Red Flags?

Often, red flags result from unresolved emotional issues, past traumas or deeply ingrained behavior patterns. For example, someone who experienced abandonment in the past might exhibit clingy or controlling behavior as a defense mechanism. Recognizing that poor behavior is often rooted in deeper issues can help you take an empathetic approach to the situation, while still maintaining your boundaries. In other words, addressing red flags doesn't mean you should forget about kindness.

Is It Okay to Ignore a Red Flag?

The short answer is no. Ignoring a red flag might seem easier in the moment, but these issues rarely resolve themselves on their own. In fact, they can escalate if not addressed. For instance, if someone is controlling at the start of a relationship, this behavior will likely intensify over time. Addressing red flags early and confidently is critical to building relationships on a mutually respectful and trusting foundation.

How Do You Talk About Red Flags with a Digital Connection?

Communication is key when it comes to addressing red flags. Start by expressing your concerns in a calm and non-confrontational manner. Use “I” statements to avoid sounding accusatory. For instance, “I noticed that you get upset when I don’t respond immediately, and it makes me feel pressured.” This approach allows you to express yourself without putting the other person on the defensive. Be open to hearing their side of the story and stay firm about your boundaries. If the behavior continues, it may be time to reevaluate the relationship.

What Should I Do if I Identify Red Flags in an Online Conversation?

If you identify red flags in an online conversation, try to address them as soon as possible. Video chat platforms like Azar offer a blocking feature, prohibiting the person from contacting you while you use the platform. There is also a reporting feature if you believe the person’s behavior is inappropriate and should be escalated to the moderation team. Either way, you can protect yourself and disengage if you feel the behavior is becoming overwhelming. 

What Are Some Green Flags?

While it’s important to be aware of red flags, it’s equally important to recognize green flags — positive signs that indicate a healthy and respectful relationship. A green flag may be clear and honest communication, respect for your boundaries and a willingness to resolve conflicts constructively. Look for these qualities in your interactions to ensure that you’re investing your time and energy in relationships that are positive and fulfilling.

Ignite Positive Connections on Azar

Addressing red flags doesn’t have to result in ending the relationship. Sometimes, bringing these issues to light can lead to growth and improvement, both for the individual and the relationship as a whole. However, if the red flags persist or escalate, prioritize your well-being and consider stepping away.

Overall, the purpose of engaging with new people online is to have fun, lighthearted conversations. With the right platforms, you can improve your approach to positive social connections. Jump on Azar to meet bright people from around the world and let Azar's algorithms provide more compatible matches so you can have a good time. 

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